


First Time Feelings

by Sassyraydorgirl62



Category: The Split - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, New Discoveries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:22:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23028499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassyraydorgirl62/pseuds/Sassyraydorgirl62
Summary: BBC The Split: "Sometimes you meet a person and you just click - you're comfortable with them, like you've known them your whole life, and you don't have to pretend to be anyone or anything."
Relationships: Amy Chandler - Relationship, Hannah Stern - Relationship, Nathan Stern - Relationship, Nina Defoe - Relationship, Rose Defoe - Relationship, Ruth Defoe - Relationship
Comments: 3
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

Should I continue with this one or leave it as it is, let me know.

The Split  
First Time Feeling  
…  
Hannah was at her desk, piles and piles of reports in front of her. Four weeks off and her desk looked like a bomb had hit it, she looked up when she felt a presence in her doorway, to see her two sisters Nina and Rose watching her.  
“Hey you two, oh by the way Nina, thanks for keeping my paperwork up to date like you said you would.” She said as she went back to her papers.  
When she didn’t get a reply, she looked up again to see a look on her sisters faces she couldn’t quite read.  
“What? Too harsh?”  
“Is mum in yet?”  
“I’ve no idea, why?”  
“Haven’t you spoken to her?” Nina asked.  
“Nina I’m literally just back, of course I haven’t spoken to her…why?”  
Nina and Rose exchanged glances again, as Hannah put the files she was holding to the side of her desk and leaned back.  
“Okay, what is it, has something happened?”  
“Mum didn’t want to disturb you while you were away with Nathan and the kids?”  
“You two are beginning to scare me now, why would she need to contact me.”  
Her two sisters remained silent once again which began to annoy Hannah.  
“Oh for god sake, will one of you tell me what the hell is going on, is mum sick or something?”  
Rose could hear the worry in Hannah’s voice as she stepped closer.  
“Oh no nothing like that.”  
“What then?”  
“You know that guy Peter she was seeing just before you left?” Nina said.  
“Yeah, the one she’s been seeing for what, three months now and still never introduced us too. What about him?”  
“He erm…he…”  
“He’s been cheating on mum?” Rose said.  
“What, you’re kidding.”  
“Mum came home early last week and found him in bed with a younger woman.”  
“How young?” Hannah asked.  
“Thirty-one.” Nina said.  
“Jesus, how’s mum taking it?”  
“We’re not really sure?” Rose said.  
“You have spoken to her though, right?”  
“Not exactly.” Nina said.  
“What is it with you two, every time there’s an emergency with mum, it’s always up to me to deal with her.”  
“Well, you’re more on her level than we are.” Rose said.  
“Yeah, you’re the oldest, you more about what she goes through than we do.” Nina said.  
“That is such a cop out. She had a husband who cheated on her for years and now Peters done the same thing to her, she’ll be devastated. I can’t believe you’ve both waited for me to come back and sort it out.”  
“Well we…”  
“What, scared of her, you’re own mother?”  
“She’s never been the easiest woman to talk too Hannah.” Nina stated.  
Hannah got up from her desk, grabbing her bag before going past her sisters and over to the coat rack to grab her jacket.  
“Right, come on.”  
“Where are we going?” Rose asked.  
“Where do you think, she obviously hasn’t turned up for work, something could be wrong, we need to check on her, lets go.”  
…  
When they arrived at the house, Hannah knocked a few times but got no reply, she used her key, unlocking the door and making her way inside, Rose and Nina following. Hannah looked around, entering the front room to see a few broken plant pots, they made their way towards the kitchen, Hannah starting to worry when she saw the broken glass lying on the floor and the counter top.  
“Hannah, I don’t like this?” Rose said.   
“You should have come by sooner than this for god sake.”  
Nina and Rose looked at one another, guilt washing over them.  
“MUM, ARE YOU HOME?” Hannah yelled out.  
She walked up stairs towards the bedroom, opening the door to see Ruth sitting on the floor beside her bed, blood on her hands.  
“Jesus Christ.”  
“Hannah what is….”  
“Stay here, both of you, please.”  
Hannah made her way inside, as Nina and Rose stayed behind.  
“Mum, what happened.”  
Ruth looked up at her eldest daughter, tears running down her face, her arm bloodied and bruised. Hannah knelt down beside her, her hand coming to Ruth’s arm, the older woman flinching when Hannah tried to touch it.  
“Mum, we need to get you to hospital?”  
“I’m fine.” She sniffed.  
“No mum, you’re not. How did this happen.”  
“They didn’t tell you?”  
Nina and Rose looked down to the floor, the guilt evident on their faces.  
“They told me about Peter, why didn’t you call me?”  
“You needed time with the kids and Nathan, save your marriage.”  
“Oh mum, we’ll work it out, but right now I want to know how this happened.”  
“The son of a bitch was cheating on me, I should have known better than to date a man younger than myself.”  
“He wasn’t that younger.” She half joked.  
“Cheeky.” Ruth tried to smile, but the pain was raw on her face.  
“Mum how did you hurt yourself, did he do that to you?”  
“No, I was angry. I threw things at him, I cut myself with the glass, I slammed my arm against the wall in anger.”  
Hannah made another attempt to inspect her mother’s arm, Ruth making a pained noise.  
“Mum, I think it’s broken. Will you two go and get the first aid kit, then I’m taking you to hospital.”  
Rose and Nina disappeared down stairs, as Hannah moved closer to her mother, her arm going around her shoulder, as Ruth leaned on her daughter.  
“I feel such a fool.” Ruth sniffed.  
“It’s not your fault, he’s a man, he can’t help himself. Listen to me, like I’m perfect, I’m no better, after what I’ve done.”  
“How was the holiday?”  
“We’re getting there, slowly. I’ll tell you more later, but right now, hospital.” Hannah said, as she kissed her mothers cheek.  
…  
Rose and Nina stayed at the house to tidy up the mess of broken glass and plant pots. Hannah stayed outside the room while the doctor attended to Ruth. Hannah heard footsteps approaching, looking up to see Nathan coming towards her.  
“Nathan, how did you…”  
“Nina called me and told me what had happened, how’s Ruth.”  
“She’s in with the doctor now, I’m pretty sure she’s broken her arm.”  
“She walked in on him?” Nathan said quietly.  
“Yeah, just like dad. What is wrong with this family.”  
“Hey, come on.” Nathan said, taking her in his arms.  
“No seriously, you cheated, I cheated, dad cheated on mum and now Peter has done the same. Is this family just cursed.”  
“Of course we’re not cursed, we just need to try a lot bloody harder than we have, all of us.”  
“She’s heartbroken Nathan, it’s brought back all the hurt of dad, all over again.”  
“Ruth’s a tough cookie, she’s dealt with a lot worse over the years and she’s come though it.”  
“Would you mind if she stayed with us for a few days, I know you and I are still working through things but I…”  
“Of course she can stay, I would have suggested it anyway.”  
“I do love you, you know that right?”  
“I do, I love you too.”  
Hannah leaned in and kissed her husband, before the doctor emerged from the room.  
“Oh, sorry doctor.”  
“It’s quite al-right.”  
“How’s my mother?”  
“Physically she’s fine, she does have a broken arm, but that will heal.”  
“Physically?”  
“She was telling me about her partner, she’s very…broken?”  
“I’m going to have her stay with us for a few days.”  
“I’d suggest more than a few.”  
“Really?”  
“She needs to be around her family, keep her busy. I’ve prescribed her some mild antidepressants for a few weeks, and we’ll see how she gets on from there.”  
“She’s that bad? I didn’t realise.”  
“From just talking to her, she appears to have always been the tough one, always there for everyone else.”  
“Yeah, she has.”  
“Well I think it’s time for someone to be there for her, just for a little while.”  
“Thanks doctor.”  
“It’s Amy, I’ve given her my number, any time she wants to talk.”  
“That’s very kind of you.”  
“She’s a nice lady, when she’s ready, come to the pharmacy and I’ll get her medication.”  
“Thanks.”  
Hannah watched Amy walk away before turning to Nathan.  
“Nathan I…I can Nina if she’ll have mum.”  
“Don’t be silly. Ruth can stay with us as long as she needs, she’s family, and we’ll be there for her.”  
Hannah allowed Nathan to take her in his arms, feeling almost like they used too be.”  
…  
To Be Continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Ruth was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, her arm in a a small cast, when Hannah appeared in the doorway, watching her with sympathy in her eyes.   
“Oh mum…”  
Ruth looked up to see her eldest daughter looking at her, the older woman rolling her eyes at her.  
“Don’t look at me like that Hannah.”  
“Like what…”  
“I feel pathetic enough as it is thank you.”  
“Well I’m sorry for being concerned about my mother.”  
Hannah came over, taking a seat beside her, nudging her and smiling.  
“How long for the cast?”  
“Six weeks.”  
“That’s not too long.”  
“Isn’t it.”  
“Mum?”  
“I’m such a fool, all of this because of him.”  
“Peter isn’t worth another thought, you’re better off without him.”  
“I’m sure I said the same thing to you about Christie?”  
“You did, and it turned out that you were right. I just said to Nathan that the Defoe women were cursed when it came to men…”  
“No darling, we just have to much love in us, and we get blinded.”  
Ruth laughed a little before she moved the wrong way and hissed in pain.  
“Is it bad?”  
“Manageable.”  
“Your doctor seems nice.”  
“Mm-mm, she does. She was kind enough to give me a work number in case I needed to talk, very nice of her.”  
“Her home number?”  
“Sorry darling?”  
“That’s her personal number, not work.”  
“Oh.”  
“She’s worried about you, she told me that she’s prescribed you some mild anti-depressants.”  
“Has she told you everything about my problems. What happened to doctor/patient confidentiality?”  
“Mum, I’m your daughter for god sake?”  
Ruth was aware that anger had seeped into her voice, looking at her daughter. Squeezing her hand with her good hand.  
“I’m sorry Hannah, I know you’re worried. I over reacted as usual.”  
“You just need some time off, away from work. Enjoy being a lady of leisure for six weeks.”  
“With nothing to do?”  
“That’s was leisure means mother?”  
“It’s not something that’s familiar to me darling, I’ve worked my whole life.”  
“And this is the worlds way of telling you to slow down, perhaps rethink the retirement?”  
“I am not retiring.”  
“Fair enough, but please, just take things easy for a few weeks. Six weeks will fly by.”  
“No they won’t. Could you stay at home for six weeks?”  
“Well I…”  
“No I didn’t think so, you’re my daughter al-right.”  
“Why don’t we go and get your prescription from the pharmacy mm-mm?”  
Ruth nodded her head as she got up from the bed, Hannah keeping a steady hand on her mother’s back.  
…  
Doctor Hillion was at the pharmacy just like she told Hannah she would be, a warm smile on her face when she saw the two women and Nathan approaching.  
“Ah there you are, I was beginning to think you’d run off.”  
“Sorry?”  
“Never mind, joke. Anyway, here’s your medication, twice a day for two weeks and then I want to see you back here, and we’ll take a look at your arm, see how it’s progressing and anything we can do for you.”  
“I think my arms more than enough for me right now.”  
Ruth was a little more blunt that she intended, Hannah feeling the tension.  
“Why don’t Nathan and I go and wait in the car, we’re just outside okay.”  
“Fine darling.” Ruth said.  
As they walked away, Ruth turned back to Amy, offering a warm smile.  
“I’m sorry for my rudeness, I’m not always like this.”  
Amy came out of the small office and over to Ruth, a hand on her good arm.  
“Mrs Defoe I…”  
“Ruth please…”  
“Ruth, what we discussed, it won’t go any further, and I meant what I said before, you have my number and any time you need to talk or get something off your chest…just give me a call.”  
“Why are you doing this?”  
“Sorry?”  
“Surely this goes above the call of duty, aren’t there shrinks for my problems.”  
“Not everyone feels comfortable talking with a psychiatrist, of course if you’d prefer one, I can give you the number of a good one.”  
“No, I’m fine really, but thank you.”  
As Ruth turned to walk away, Amy caught her hand, forcing Ruth to turn back, seeing genuine concern in the younger woman’s eyes.  
“Call me any time Ruth, day or night, and I’ll always answer, promise me.”  
“I promise.” Ruth whispered.  
Ruth gave one last smile before she walked towards the door and out in to the car park, Nathan pulling up in front of her. Hannah got out, opening the door for her mother. Hannah closed the door behind her before getting back inside. Nathan looked in the review mirror, seeing a look on Ruth’s face he couldn’t read.  
“Ruth? Is everything okay?”  
“Fine Nathan, just take me home will you.”  
“Hannah al-ready told you, you’re staying with us.”  
“Really I…”  
“It’s not up for discussion mum.”  
“Hannah’s right, that’s what family’s for.”  
“Very well.”  
Ruth sighed as she sat back in the seat, her eyes closing.  
…  
To Be Continued…


	3. Chapter 3

Ruth was standing by the patio doors watching her three grandchildren mucking around in the back garden, while Nathan and Hannah prepared dinner the family. Hannah heard her mother sign as she took a sip of red wine from her wine glass.  
“You okay mum?”  
Ruth turned towards her daughter, offering a small smile, if a little forced from her lips.  
“Fine darling, just fine.” She said, as she turned back to the doors.  
Nathan drained the pasta before popping it back in to the saucepan as Hannah added her home-made sauce.  
“She doesn’t want to be here Hannah.” He whispered to his wife.  
“Well tough luck, she needs looking after until her arm heals, so she’s stuck with us.”  
“I’m not deaf you know.” Ruth suddenly spoke up, as she walked over to the counter, putting down her glass.  
“Sorry Ruth, it’s just you look…” Nathan began.  
“What, ungrateful?”  
“No, god no that’s not what I was going to say at all I…”  
“It’s al-right Nathan, I know I can be an old battleaxe.”  
“For god sakes mum, cut it out will you. You’re not a prisoner here. You are free to come and go as you please. It’s only been a week and you’re treating us like your captors. All we want to do is help you recover mother, so stop being so…”  
Ruth could see Hannah was beginning to mix her words, which she always did when she became angry and frustrated.   
“A bitch?” Ruth replied with a grin on her face.  
“Yes.” Hannah said as she slammed the spatula on the side of the worktop.  
“Hannah?” Nathan began.  
“I’m going for a shower before dinner, I won’t be long.”  
Hannah stormed upstairs, Nathan picking up the spatula, before giving Ruth a disapproving look.  
“Was that really necessary Ruth?”  
No you’re right, I apologise. Look I’m not really that hungry, I might just go out for a walk.”  
“Ruth you need to eat?”  
“Save me some, I’ll have it later.”  
Ruth made her way in to the hallway, putting on her camel coloured long coat before leaving the house, Nathan watching her from the doorway.  
…  
Ruth stood outside the house for a few moments, unsure of where she was heading. She thought for a few minutes before getting out her phone and sending a text to the number she had saved a week before. She made her way towards Hyde Park, she walked for a good half hour before taking a seat on one of the benches as she waited for her guest. She looked out on to the river, watching people as the ran past on their evening jogs, young couples taking advantage of the warm evening they had been blessed with, she closed her eyes, taking in the quietness around her, birds lightly chirping above her.   
“Ruth?”  
The older woman heard the familiar voice, as she slowly opened her eyes and looked up to see the younger woman smiling down at her.  
“Sorry I’m a little late, I couldn’t fine my house key.”  
“It’s quite al-right, I’ve not been here long.”  
“May I?” She signalled to sit down.  
“Of course.” Ruth smiled as she slid along.  
Ruth noticed that Amy sat closer to Ruth, despite plenty of space on the bench to allow her to spread out a little.  
“Thank you for coming at such short notice, I know you’re busy?” Ruth added.  
“It’s fine, I did tell you to call me any time, day or night.”  
“Yes I know but, you’re a busy woman, lives to save. Taking you away from that is inappropriate.”  
“Ruth, talk to me.”  
Amy’s voice was so welcoming to her, genuine, warm and gentle. As much as she loved her daughter, she always felt as though Hannah’s attention to her mother was more out of duty rather than genuine help.  
“I just had to get out of the house, I love my daughter but…I just couldn’t take any more mollycoddling.”  
“She’s your daughter and she just wants to look after you.”  
“She has her own life, her own family to look after, without adding me in to the mix. It’s not fair to her, and I’m beginning to resent her for it.”  
“For wanting to help you?”  
“I know it sounds ridiculous, perhaps I’m just being cruel to her. I’ve never been the kind of mother she deserved, any of my daughters if I’m honest. I spent so much time working to keep a roof over their head and food on the table when Oscar left.”  
“Oscar?”  
“My ex-husband, he was never really but out for fatherhood. Perhaps neither of us were, that’s why we messed it up so badly.”  
“Ruth you are one of the most sought after and renowned lawyers in the country, your name terrifies even the hardest of men. I’d hardly call such a lustrous career messing up?”  
Ruth finally turned to look at Amy to see such concern in her eyes for the older woman.  
“You’re lovely for saying that, thank you Amy.”  
“Hey, I mean every word. You’re daughters love you, and know how hard you had to work to give them the best of everything.”  
“You’ve only met Hannah?”  
“Yes and judging by the way she spoke of you to me, I’d like to think your other two are the same.”  
“I’ve never thought to ask them, perhaps I’m scared of their answers.”  
“I wouldn’t, you’re loved Ruth.”  
Ruth smiled softly at Amy, as the younger woman lay a hand of Ruth’s good one.  
“How’s the arm.” Amy asked.  
“It’s not too bad, a little painful when I forget.”  
“You’re still taking your pain relief?”  
“Yes.”  
“And what about the other tablets?”  
“The anti-depressants? Yes.”  
“Really, you don’t sound very sure about that?”  
“They just make me feel, I don’t know…not me. I’m always so in control and when I take them, I just don’t feel controlled.”  
“It can take time to adjust to the dosage, you need to persist with them, when your body finally accepts them, you’ll feel like a new woman, but you have to keep on with them, unless you’re telling me you feel absolutely fine now? You put your hand through a wall, you cut yourself and didn’t go to hospital for days after. If you had been in the right frame of mind, would you still have done so?”  
“It’s unlikely, no…I know you’re right. I’m just a little scared I think, silly isn’t it.”  
Amy moved a closer, filling the small gap between them. Ruth feeling Amy’s arm going around her shoulder.  
“It all takes time, and as I said before, you have to persist and be patient, both with the medication and with your family, try not to take things out on them, they don’t fully understand it all.”  
“But you do.”  
“As a doctor, yes I do…only too well. That’s why I want to help you, why I gave you my number. That and as I said when I first met you, I like you.”  
Ruth wasn’t sure what she meant by the last part of the sentence so only offered a smile.  
“Why don’t you come back to my flat, it’s only ten minutes away, I can make us something to eat, and we can talk some more if you like, then I can drive you home.”  
“I’d like that, thank you.”  
Amy saw some tears in Ruth’s eyes, giving her good hand a gentle squeeze.  
“Come on, it’s not far.”  
Ruth got up and walked along the park with Amy, the younger woman’s hand warm on her back.  
…  
To Be Continued…


	4. Chapter 4

Nathan was setting the table for dinner when Hannah walked back in to the room, her wet hair tied back. He watched as she went over to the stove and stirred the pasta, looking towards the patio to see Ruth had disappeared.  
“Where’s Mum?”  
“Oh, she went out.”  
“Huh, where, dinner’s ready.”  
“Yeah, she said to save her some and she’d have some later.”  
“We’re not running a bed and breakfast here, she is aware of that right.”  
“Hannah for god sake.”  
“What?”  
“Why are you being so tough on Ruth, the woman is just back from hospital and you use every opportunity to start an argument.”  
“Me, I start the arguments, that’s rich. She’s the one who’s making us feel like we’re doing this out of obligation to her.”  
“Well aren’t you? Come on Hannah, you didn’t really want her here and you know it.”  
“Well Rose and Nina weren’t rushing to take her in, were they? They didn’t even notice there was anything wrong with her for god sake. They didn’t bother going around to the house to check on her when she didn’t show up for work for days, I did that, I took her to the hospital, I brought her here, and I’m the one getting moaned at, really.”  
Nathan came over to the counter, taking a seat as Hannah took the pan off the stove.  
“I know you and your mother have never been what you’d call close, and yes, I know Ruth is a fault too, she doesn’t try with you either, but maybe it’s time to change that. Ruth’s getting older, she won’t be around for ever Hannah.”  
“Bloody hell Nathan, that went morbid very fast.”  
“I’m just pointing it out, maybe it’s time to put the past behind you, Ruth too. Start fresh, try and salvage a proper relationship with her.”  
Hannah watched as Nathan went to call the kids for dinner, Ruth now running through her mind.  
…  
Ruth sat on the sofa in Amy’s front room, as the fire burned in front of her, soft music playing in the background. She got up and over to the fireplace, looking at the photos in front of her. She picked one of the wooden frames up, a younger Amy with her diploma from medical school.  
“Feels like that was years ago.” Amy smiled.  
Ruth heard the voice behind her, turning to see Amy watching her, as she placed the frame back in it’s place.  
“Gosh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be nosy.” Ruth quickly spoke.  
Amy came over to stand beside her, as she took the picture back down.  
“One of the happiest days of my life, all those years of studying and hard graft had finally paid off.”  
“How long a go was it taken?” Ruth asked.  
“Why, so that you can decipher how old I am?”  
Ruth didn’t say anything after that, trying to avoid eye contact.  
“I’m only joking Ruth, if you really want to know, I’m forty-one, forty-two in another four months.” She smiled.  
“Still a young thing.”  
“You think, well thank you. I don’t always feel it sometimes.”  
“I suppose your work takes up a lot of your time?”  
“Not as much as it used too, there are the odd weeks here and there but most of the time it’s okay.”  
“You love your work?”  
“More than anything, it’s all I have and I worked hard to get it.”  
“Have you never been married?”  
“Sit down, and I’ll pour us some drinks.”  
Ruth smiled and took a seat as Amy poured two glasses of white wine, coming back over and passing one to Ruth.  
“Thank you.”  
They lapsed in to silence for a few moments, before Amy finally spoke again.  
“To answer your question Ruth, no I’ve never been married?”  
“Your choice?”  
“I guess I’ve just never found the right person, the one person who understood how important my work was, the one who could get that I wouldn’t always be home at a reasonable hour. Who could put up with my untidiness. I’m a simple girl, I like warm nights in front of the television, relaxing with my partner to our favourite music, walks to the beach. I’m not big in to the big adventures, hillwalking, camping and all that sort of thing.”  
“Oh god, me either. Give me a glass of wine and music any day of the week.”  
“I suppose your work was pretty full on as well?”  
“More when the girls were younger, not so much now. To be honest, they tried to convince me to retire but I…”  
“Love your work too much?”  
“I’d be bored out of my mind at home all day. I love my days off, don’t get me wrong but, I love work so much, and I meet some very interesting people. It also allows me to spend more time with Hannah and Nina.”  
“Nina’s a solicitor too?”  
“Yes.”  
“What about your other daughter?”  
“Rose, no she isn’t, she’s still…discovering herself. I don’t think she really knows what she wants.”  
“A free spirit?” Amy smiled.  
“Most definitely, but I’m so very proud of them all. I don’t tell them as often as I probably should. I think that’s my problem. I’m not very good at communicating with them. Clients yes, my children, no.”  
“There’s still time Ruth.”  
“Sometimes, I’m not sure where to begin. It’s silly isn’t it?”  
“Not at all, it’s all part of you getting back on the road to recovery. It’ll all take time, but I’m here to help you.”  
Ruth offered a warm smile as Amy covered her hand with her own, giving it a gentle squeeze.

To Be Continued…


End file.
